I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
