I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
