if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
