In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
