you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
