So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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