just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
