Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You were trust falling into bushes
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
