my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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