i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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