Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
