Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
