I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
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