peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
