I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
