Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
