It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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