from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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