They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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