my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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