I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
