when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
