I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
