Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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