i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
