I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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