There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just gift wrapped bread.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
