true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
