69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
