I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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