So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I think my vagina is haunted
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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