I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Randomize
