I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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