Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
