Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
