Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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