Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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