i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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