The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I smell like Dick and happiness
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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