hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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