We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
well you can't waste a boner
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
