He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
