i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I believe in your delicious
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
