it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
