The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
