i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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