shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
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