But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
