yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
