Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
