There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
