Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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