i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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