Got a toothbrush?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
