I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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