oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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