I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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