he was CRYING into my vagina
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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