I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
