Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
