so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
