the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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