i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
