You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
